Category Archives: ASOF

I have an idea for a new programme which I’m going to call “Celebrity Morris Dancing”. In it, a group of Z-list celebrities are paired up with a professional cloggie, who is carrying a big stick. That’s as far as … Continue reading →

I feel slightly dirty about something I just did. I am an egalitarian. I believe all men are equal. But I think I just betrayed my principles. We arrived at a restaurant and the conversation went like this: “Good evening, … Continue reading →

While waiting to board at Manchester International Airport (home, incidentally, of the World’s Worst Technology Display – a 3DTV in duty free which shows adverts which actually look less convincingly 3D than a traditional 2D television) we were treated to … Continue reading →

It had been an odd few days, gastronomically speaking. Sunday at 5 am, I was stood in front of an open fridge playing “Chew or Chuck”. The bin got the cabbage and old peppers, I got two apples, a piece … Continue reading →

The phone rang in Asof Towers a few weeks ago. “Good afternoon! My name is Julian. May I speak to Dr Asof?” It took me a little while to understand Julian due to his accent – not as you might … Continue reading →

As the weather gets warmer – well, less cold, anyway – the familiar spring rituals come round again in their timeless cycle. Each year I know that after I’ve taxed the car, it’ll soon be time to worm the cat, … Continue reading →